HOW TO HANDLE “I HATE YOU MUMMY!”



mumsnet

Hearing these words for the first time from your sweet, innocent ‘baby’ is pretty gutting really.

I had asked my 7-year-old to start tidying away the Lego as it was bedtime soon, and he replied, “No Mummy, I’m still building this.”   I could hear he was fairly cross and passionate, and so thinking I was being quite reasonable, I said, “Okay, five minutes then, shall I put the timer on?”

But instead of a nice rational “Okay Mummy” (ever hopeful I am!) or even a reluctant grunt of assent, I got a “No Mummy, not FIVE MINUTES.  That’s NOT ENOUGH. I want MORE than that, I HAATE YOU MUMMYYY!”

It sounds a bit dramatic, but I was so surprised I did a kind of cartoon-style, slow motion recoil and stifled gasp of horror, and felt my heart inwardly freeze as though I’d been struck by Elsa’s ice powers.  (If this last bit makes no sense, consider yourself extraordinarily blessed).

But on some level, I recognised that a reaction of this intensity couldn’t be related solely to this specific interaction (i.e. there was other stuff going on for him) and so I was able to pause and just about gather myself.

Although not before ALL of the following ran through my head in a high-speed, back-to-back, potentially crazy-making loop:

‘How dare he say that to me, that is not how you talk to your parents.’

‘I would never have said that to my parents, jeez I’ve totally lost control and messed up this discipline thing.’

‘Shit, he’s never said that before, where did he get that from??’

‘Hmmm, weird.  He’s been playing happily all afternoon, where has this come from, what did I do/not do to get to this all of a sudden.’

‘Oh God, maybe it’s because I’ve been letting him watch and read things too advanced for his age and this is where he’s got it from.’

‘That’s it, all this connection, respectful, peaceful parenting malarkey is all a load of old tosh and clearly does NOT work.’

‘Oh shite, I think I just started too late with him, all this changing around of parenting style I’ve been doing has just totally screwed him up.’

‘Oh no, he actually hates me and I’ve totally failed as a parent.’

‘What if he hates me forever and grows up never wanting to speak to me and thinks I’m the worst parent in the world.’

‘Er, shit, he’s looking at me, I can see he’s waiting for a response, er, what do I say to this??’

‘And his siblings are watching too, this is an important, teachable moment that will set a precedent for years to come…aaargh..’

So, what did I do??

A great big choking sort of half-laugh, half-snort.

A pretty unhelpful nervous reaction, release-my-own-tension thing that I have a terrible habit of doing in these sorts of moments.

Quite obviously, this was not a good move.  To him it came across as disrespectful, patronising and invalidating the strength of his feelings.  I was inadvertently doing what Daniel Siegal describes as ‘poking the lizard’; enraging the primitive part of his brain such that the connections to his logic and rational thinking were even further lost.

Instantly recognising this and feeling a bit sheepish, I attempted to backtrack.  Something along the lines of “Eeek, you sound so mad!  You must be feeling so angry in there to say that to me.”  And then, having learned that, for him, it’s best not to talk or say too much when he’s feeling overwhelmed, I mainly just stayed near and listened whilst he shouted and raged and kicked at things.   He then started to run away, slam doors and tell me he wanted to be left alone (not true).  I backed away a little but stayed close enough that he knew I was still there.

Fortunately, I had the time and head space to let his feelings run their course.  After ten minutes or so (sounds short, feels like a life time) he stopped yelling, and sat looking glum.  I opened my arms to invite him for a cuddle but he shook his head.  We sat there for a few more minutes and then he picked something up he’d made earlier and began to explain what it did.  The storm had passed, just like that.

We never got to the bottom of why my simple request triggered such vitriol, but it really doesn’t matter.  It helped him to clear something, unload something.   Whether that was just scratching the surface of a big emotional project or it was the more superficial gunk of the days residues was also hard to tell.  But no matter.  Afterwards, you could see a weight had been lifted and he looked visibly happier.  He was also pretty cuddly, which I interpreted as reparation for his apparent earlier dislike of me 😉 .  It possibly wasn’t but hey, just humour me on this one 😉

So maybe you’re wondering why I didn’t punish him, yell back, or at least admonish him for unacceptably disrespectful behaviour??

Find out here by downloading my FREE ebook “8 Steps For Handling Tantrums and Emotional Outbursts”.

HAVE YOU DOWNLOADED YOUR FREE STEP-BY-STEP GUIDE TO HANDLING TANTRUMS & EMOTIONAL OUTBURSTS?

Would you like to know how to deal with the screaming and lashing out peacefully?  Without yelling or punishing or tearing your hair out?

GET THIS FREE EBOOK NOW
HI! I'M DR. NICOLA FARR

HI! I'M DR. NICOLA FARR

I'm a mama of 3 and a parenting coach specialising in picky eating and mealtime stress.

I'm passionate about inspiring parents to enjoy mealtimes & help their children develop a healthy long-term relationship with food.

See here for the services I offer or email me for more info.  You can also find me on Facebook and Instagram.

FUSSY EATER MYTH #5: YOU KNOW EXACTLY HOW MUCH YOUR CHILD NEEDS TO EAT

It's true that we have an incredible understanding now of what is required nutritionally-speaking for optimum health. But there is concern amongst many health professionals that parents are frequently vastly over-estimating the amount of food children can and/or need...
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FUSSY EATER MYTH #4: CHILDREN REFUSE TO TRY NEW FOODS BECAUSE THEY ARE STUBBORN OR ‘TESTING’ BOUNDARIES

Without doubt children have very different personalities and some are much more on the feisty end of the scale than others, but this is NOT directly related to refusing to try or eat a particular food.  Passive, laid back children can be just as fussy when it comes to...
Read More

FLEXIBILITY IS ONE OF YOUR BEST MEALTIME FRIENDS

I remember reading something a while ago along the lines of, whenever you think you know or understand something always leave a space next to it in your brain for new information.  I’ve probably totally trashed a beautiful quote there and unfortunately, I have...
Read More

FUSSY EATER MYTH #3: YOU NEED TO MAKE FOOD MORE EXCITING & TRY SPECIAL RECIPES

You've seen these websites and resources, right? The ones that are aimed at helping you with your fussy eater that focus predominantly on recipes...recipes that even the fussiest of fussy eaters are allegedly 'guaranteed' to eat. Except even after you spend ages...
Read More

TEMPERAMENT & FUSSY EATING: IS YOUR CHILD A ‘SUPERTASTER’?

DO YOU HAVE A PICKY EATER?  DO YOU SOMETIMES BLAME  YOURSELF FOR YOUR CHILD'S FUSSY EATING? Please don't. I know it can sometimes seem like everyone else's children eat everything and yours just won’t. But it's really not true - limited food choice is extremely common...
Read More

FUSSY EATER MYTH #2: FUSSINESS STARTS AT AROUND 12-MONTHS-OLD AS BABY BECOMES MORE WILFUL

Well, it is certainly true that it is frequently around about this age that parents start to regret having told everyone that their child loves food and is such a ‘good’ eater. Very often it can seem like overnight they go from eating everything in sight to refusing...
Read More

WHAT’S MAKING YOUR CHILD ‘FUSSY’ WITH FOOD?

The trouble with many articles offering expert opinions about fussy eating and mealtime stress is that they tend to offer a couple of generic, one-sized fits all ‘solutions’ and fail to take into account that there are many different types of ‘fussy eater’ and quite a...
Read More

FUSSY EATER MYTH #1: YOUR CHILD MUST EAT A RAINBOW COLOURED PLATE AT EVERY MEAL

If you present your child with a beautifully colourful, perfectly balanced plate of food at every meal and they willingly gobble it all down - wow, consider yourself extremely blessed! But if not, try not to sweat it. This is very common for all children, not just the...
Read More

WEANING YOUR BABY: 4 ESSENTIAL TRUTHS FOR LONG TERM FUSS-FREE EATING

(This article was originally posted on at http://mammainpearls.com/weaning-your-baby/ on 03.04.17) Very often when it’s time to take the exciting leap to the weaning stage, our focus is so much on the present that we forget to think about the longer-term eating...
Read More

HERE’S HOW MANY EASTER EGGS I LET MY KIDS EAT..

When you SPECIFICALLY request a trusted relative NOT to buy chocolate for your kids for Easter (but a small inedible present instead)...and they do it anyway. And not even a small one; a very large, indulgent-looking one each. THIS I find mega frustrating. And...
Read More

INSISTING ON ‘TASTING’ IS NOT THE ANSWER TO PICKY EATING

Imagine that you popped over to my house for a cuppa and I put a plate of snacks in front of you. And then instead of saying, "Here, help yourself!" I said, "Look at this yummy food I've got for you, try it! Have some! Just one little bite, go on, I'll give you a...
Read More

WHEN THEY DON’T EAT WHAT YOU KNOW THEY LIKE…

"But you LOVE chicken and rice! Here, have some chicken and rice!" "Don't like chicken and rice." "Yes you DO, you ate a whole bowlful the other day!" Do you ever find yourself having this sort of crazy-making conversation with your toddler or child? You kind of know...
Read More

MY JOURNEY TO FUSS-FREE EATING

I think even as a very young child I knew deep down that being ‘forced’ to eat and rigid mealtime rules just weren't right. I remember sitting at the dining table feeling so confused; I wasn't particular hungry, I'd eaten all the ‘nice’ bits on my plate, and just the...
Read More

HOW TO HANDLE “I HATE YOU MUMMY!”

Hearing these words for the first time from your sweet, innocent ‘baby’ is pretty gutting really.
I had asked my 7-year-old to start tidying away the Lego as it was bedtime soon, and he replied, “No Mummy, I’m still building this.” I could hear he was fairly cross and passionate, and so thinking I was being quite reasonable, I said,

Read More

DO YOU HAVE A FUSSY EATER? ARE YOU FED UP WITH MEALTIMES?

 

 

Click here to apply

 to join my
6 week, one-to-one, Fuss-Free Eating for Life coaching programme

 

 

APPLY NOW

ARE YOU CONSTANTLY FEELING UNDER THE WEATHER? THIS COULD BE WHY…

When my first two children were around 3 and 1 years old, I distinctly remember that having a cold, sniffles or slight headache became my new normal, particularly during the colder months.  I think I mainly put it down to not paying careful enough attention to my diet, and constant close-up exposure to snot-drenched little ones.

But interesting new research suggests there could be another reason.

It has been found that the more empathetic parents were towards their children, the more likely they were to have a lowered immune system.  Yep, you read that right; the findings suggest that being consistently kind and understanding to your children has great benefits for your sense of self-esteem and purposefulness, BUT puts you at increased risk of systemic inflammation.   (If, like me, you have a touch of the research geek in you, check out the full study and links to other related ones here).

So, you know that non-stop giving of yourself that you do?  That non-stop suppression of your own feelings for the sake of helping your children deal with theirs?  Well, that not only depletes you psychologically and emotionally (which you definitely already knew) but also at a physiological level.

Wow, incredible, doesn’t that explain such a lot!

And so now it’s extremely obvious what you need to do isn’t it?  Just stop being so damn nice and understanding to your children.  A little more shouting, a little less kindness and a LOT more f-ing and blinding and you’ll be right as rain again.  How great is that, the permission you’ve been longing for 🙂

Or not.

Unfortunately, the benefits of empathetic parenting for children are huge and very well-established; strengthened immune system, protection against depression and aggression, better developed brain integration and a higher level of emotional intelligence.  And these are only some of them.

So I’m afraid, actually, what you more likely need to do is what I’m sure you already know you need to do, because just about every single piece of parenting advice advises you to do so!  Yep, you know what I’m talking about; make your needs a priority and look after you to the same degree you look after your children.

These research findings tell us that this is not just important for providing emotional and psychological relief, but is ESSENTIAL in keeping you physically well and healthy. 

So why is it that this intuitive and now science-based piece of advice is so hard for so many of us parents to action?  And, in fact, can sometimes feel almost irritating and unhelpful to even hear?

I’ve realised that, for myself at least, it’s because it’s asking of me yet another thing to DO.  And however much we work on self-love and prioritising our needs, there is nothing much helpful about adding extra things to our to-do-lists.

You don’t need me to tell you that parenting is all-consuming and time disappears overnight when you have a baby.  Then add back to work, and or another baby, and or any pre-baby hobbies or interests and you might just be holding your head above water.  But asking to re-jig this delicate balance by adding more things in, well, it’s hardly surprising that it will rarely consistently happen.

Which is why my advice is to do the very opposite of thisSelf-care for parents, to my mind, is all about doing less, not more.  Culling and paring down on things that are not a priority, that you don’t love, and that drain your energy.

And this looks different for everyone.

For me, it was things like learning to say ‘no’ to invites that don’t energise me, and ‘no’ to extending invites only out of politeness and social nicety.  I also had to seriously examine my motivation for feeling that I should have the house looking spotless, home baked goods on offer, and make every single meal from scratch.  And giving myself grief when I (usually) didn’t.  Pointless, unsustainable and plain exhausting!

So are you interested in exploring this more?  What could you cut down on to free some space for your real priorities?

Please do contact me here for more help with this and see here for some more culling ideas.

HI! I'M DR. NICOLA FARR

HI! I'M DR. NICOLA FARR

I'm a mama of 3 and a parenting coach specialising in picky eating and mealtime stress.

I'm passionate about inspiring parents to enjoy mealtimes & help their children develop a healthy long-term relationship with food.

See here for the services I offer or email me for more info.  You can also find me on Facebook and Instagram.

FUSSY EATER MYTH #5: YOU KNOW EXACTLY HOW MUCH YOUR CHILD NEEDS TO EAT

It's true that we have an incredible understanding now of what is required nutritionally-speaking for optimum health. But there is concern amongst many health professionals that parents are frequently vastly over-estimating the amount of food children can and/or need...
Read More

WANT LESS STRESSFUL MEALTIMES? WANT TO STOP WORRYING ABOUT YOUR FUSSY EATER?

(This article was originally posted on the Mother Tribe blog on 22.04.17) A doctorate in child development and years of working with children and families did not prepare me for the sheer frustration and stress of feeding my own family. Three different children with...
Read More

FUSSY EATER MYTH #4: CHILDREN REFUSE TO TRY NEW FOODS BECAUSE THEY ARE STUBBORN OR ‘TESTING’ BOUNDARIES

Without doubt children have very different personalities and some are much more on the feisty end of the scale than others, but this is NOT directly related to refusing to try or eat a particular food.  Passive, laid back children can be just as fussy when it comes to...
Read More

FLEXIBILITY IS ONE OF YOUR BEST MEALTIME FRIENDS

I remember reading something a while ago along the lines of, whenever you think you know or understand something always leave a space next to it in your brain for new information.  I’ve probably totally trashed a beautiful quote there and unfortunately, I have...
Read More

FUSSY EATER MYTH #3: YOU NEED TO MAKE FOOD MORE EXCITING & TRY SPECIAL RECIPES

You've seen these websites and resources, right? The ones that are aimed at helping you with your fussy eater that focus predominantly on recipes...recipes that even the fussiest of fussy eaters are allegedly 'guaranteed' to eat. Except even after you spend ages...
Read More

TEMPERAMENT & FUSSY EATING: IS YOUR CHILD A ‘SUPERTASTER’?

DO YOU HAVE A PICKY EATER?  DO YOU SOMETIMES BLAME  YOURSELF FOR YOUR CHILD'S FUSSY EATING? Please don't. I know it can sometimes seem like everyone else's children eat everything and yours just won’t. But it's really not true - limited food choice is extremely common...
Read More

FUSSY EATER MYTH #2: FUSSINESS STARTS AT AROUND 12-MONTHS-OLD AS BABY BECOMES MORE WILFUL

Well, it is certainly true that it is frequently around about this age that parents start to regret having told everyone that their child loves food and is such a ‘good’ eater. Very often it can seem like overnight they go from eating everything in sight to refusing...
Read More

WHAT’S MAKING YOUR CHILD ‘FUSSY’ WITH FOOD?

The trouble with many articles offering expert opinions about fussy eating and mealtime stress is that they tend to offer a couple of generic, one-sized fits all ‘solutions’ and fail to take into account that there are many different types of ‘fussy eater’ and quite a...
Read More

FUSSY EATER MYTH #1: YOUR CHILD MUST EAT A RAINBOW COLOURED PLATE AT EVERY MEAL

If you present your child with a beautifully colourful, perfectly balanced plate of food at every meal and they willingly gobble it all down - wow, consider yourself extremely blessed! But if not, try not to sweat it. This is very common for all children, not just the...
Read More

WEANING YOUR BABY: 4 ESSENTIAL TRUTHS FOR LONG TERM FUSS-FREE EATING

(This article was originally posted on at http://mammainpearls.com/weaning-your-baby/ on 03.04.17) Very often when it’s time to take the exciting leap to the weaning stage, our focus is so much on the present that we forget to think about the longer-term eating...
Read More

HERE’S HOW MANY EASTER EGGS I LET MY KIDS EAT..

When you SPECIFICALLY request a trusted relative NOT to buy chocolate for your kids for Easter (but a small inedible present instead)...and they do it anyway. And not even a small one; a very large, indulgent-looking one each. THIS I find mega frustrating. And...
Read More

INSISTING ON ‘TASTING’ IS NOT THE ANSWER TO PICKY EATING

Imagine that you popped over to my house for a cuppa and I put a plate of snacks in front of you. And then instead of saying, "Here, help yourself!" I said, "Look at this yummy food I've got for you, try it! Have some! Just one little bite, go on, I'll give you a...
Read More

WHEN THEY DON’T EAT WHAT YOU KNOW THEY LIKE…

"But you LOVE chicken and rice! Here, have some chicken and rice!" "Don't like chicken and rice." "Yes you DO, you ate a whole bowlful the other day!" Do you ever find yourself having this sort of crazy-making conversation with your toddler or child? You kind of know...
Read More

MY JOURNEY TO FUSS-FREE EATING

I think even as a very young child I knew deep down that being ‘forced’ to eat and rigid mealtime rules just weren't right. I remember sitting at the dining table feeling so confused; I wasn't particular hungry, I'd eaten all the ‘nice’ bits on my plate, and just the...
Read More

HOW TO HANDLE “I HATE YOU MUMMY!”

Hearing these words for the first time from your sweet, innocent ‘baby’ is pretty gutting really.
I had asked my 7-year-old to start tidying away the Lego as it was bedtime soon, and he replied, “No Mummy, I’m still building this.” I could hear he was fairly cross and passionate, and so thinking I was being quite reasonable, I said,

Read More

DO YOU HAVE A FUSSY EATER? ARE YOU FED UP WITH MEALTIMES?

 

 

Click here to apply

 to join my
6 week, one-to-one, Fuss-Free Eating for Life coaching programme

 

 

APPLY NOW

HOW TO STOP SHOUTING AT YOUR KIDS – 5 TRIED AND TESTED STRATEGIES



mumsnet

Although parents are tending to smack and physically punish their children less these days, the amount of shouting and yelling and screaming going on in our homes has allegedly increased.

Hollering to a child who is about to run in the road or into danger is obviously fine and entirely necessary to keep them safeBut screaming when they’ve messed up, barking orders, and having yelling matches and our own tantrums, are the bits that are not so great.

Consistently losing our cool in these ways is pretty detrimental to our relationship and connectedness with our kids, and it doesn’t work as a discipline strategy either (see here).   Being shouted at scares them and means they can’t think straight.  They are not able to hear the actual words being said and so it doesn’t teach them anything.  They will also start to model this way of responding and assume it is a ‘normal’ response to feeling irritated or frustrated.

Put simply, if you want a peaceful home and for the kids to stop shouting and yelling, it’s got to first start with you and the other adults in your house.

But sadly, just knowing this doesn’t make it easy to actually do.  Anyone who thinks kids do not have annoying or exasperating or plain baffling sides that drive you nuts at times is most welcome to come and spend a couple of days at our house (if you last that long ;))

So, let’s be realistic, it’s about aiming to yell less, not never.  It is true that the more you practice a calm, measured response, the more hard-wired and automatic it becomes.   But it’s still a constant work in progress and there will always be some times when you feel unable to control yourself.  You will be reeled in by your child’s yelling and rudeness and find yourself engaging on the same level and yelling right back.

Hey-ho, it happens.  And when it does, no big deal.  Find a way to calm down, apologise and move on.  Consciously resolve to aim to respond differently next time, and decide on a specific, practical strategy you will try when you feel that irritation bubbling.

Here are my top five – try them out for size and see which ones work best

  1.     WHISPER

If you are feeling that urge to shout and you know you won’t be able to use an even calm tone of voice, try this.  Whispering angrily is pretty hard to do and maintain (go on, try it now!) and it seems to help recover the calm, rational part of your brain more quickly.

The change in tone will get your kids’ attention and arouse their curiosity.  If they have lost it themselves, they are more likely to calm down quicker as they will need to strain to hear you.  It will take them out of fight-or-flight (our primitive, defensive response) and stop them from viewing you as the ‘enemy’.

2.    MAKE A ‘YELL JAR’

If you and/or your partner are fairly loud and quick to raise your voices, declare a new family rule of ‘no shouting or yelling in the house at any time’.    This includes calling downstairs for something or someone (take the extra minute to go down the stairs physically and get eye contact as you make your request).

Tell the kids it’s something you’d like their help with to work on, and set up a ‘yell jar’ which you have to put a coin (or other small object) in every time they ‘catch’ you yelling.  Your kids will gradually start to model you and raise their voices less, but use the jar only for the adults (as their undeveloped brains mean they do not yet have the capacity to always control themselves, so it’s unfair to ‘punish’ them for the times they become overwhelmed).

3.     PUT YOUR FINGERS IN YOUR EARS AND CLAMP YOUR MOUTH SHUT

This is my current favourite when all my kids are talking at me all at once and are trying to outdo each other volume-wise to win my attention.  If I can resist the counter-productive urge to yell ‘STOP SHOUTING AT ME!’, this ultimately works much better.

Sometimes I also shut my eyes – and jumping up and down or silly-dancing at the same time is a good tension reliever too.  They quickly realise that continuing to shout is pointless and on a good day will organise themselves to take turns to speak once I’ve been brave enough to unplug my ears.

4.     USE A MANTRA

Train yourself to briefly pause before responding; instead of immediately reacting on auto-pilot, say nothing for the initial second or two.  Notice where you feel the frustration in your body, and silently repeat a phrase to yourself in your head.

What works best is pretty personal, so try out a few and come up with something that resonates.  My long-standing favourite is ‘unruffled’, but there are lots of possibilities; ‘I am calm and gentle, always’, ‘I choose love’, ‘This too shall pass’, ‘The house will soon be quiet’, or simply, ‘breathe’.

5.     LIE ON THE FLOOR

Getting down low, below your kid’s eye level is always a good technique to remember to help them to calm down.  But this one is a bit more than that as it helps you to calm down too and resist the temptation to join the yelling fray.

It’s a good one to try when everyone is arguing or demanding things and you are at a complete loss as to what to say or how to respond.  It gives you something to ‘do’ instead of shouting, and somehow it’s easier to keep your mouth shut when you are flat on your face!!  The dramatic change of state often seems to shift the atmosphere for everyone and, again, helps the kids to realise that you are not going to be drawn in.  I’ve yet to try it outside of the house – but I’m sure there will come a time!

 


 

Challenge yourself to pick one and try it consistently for a week.  If it makes no difference, choose another one and keep trying.

If you feel like stopping yourself from shouting is just way too hard and constantly feel frustrated and on the edge of losing it, it could be a sign that you are fatigued and stressed and need a break.  Reach out for some support and make it a priority to get some mental space from the constant demands of meeting your kids’ needs.

Or it could be that your anger and yelling is triggered by a specific situation that evokes hidden memories and painful feelings from your past.  See here for an example of this and contact me here for help and support to start getting to the bottom of it.

HI! I'M DR. NICOLA FARR

HI! I'M DR. NICOLA FARR

I'm a mama of 3 and a parenting coach specialising in picky eating and mealtime stress.

I'm passionate about inspiring parents to enjoy mealtimes & help their children develop a healthy long-term relationship with food.

See here for the services I offer or email me for more info.  You can also find me on Facebook and Instagram.

FUSSY EATER MYTH #5: YOU KNOW EXACTLY HOW MUCH YOUR CHILD NEEDS TO EAT

It's true that we have an incredible understanding now of what is required nutritionally-speaking for optimum health. But there is concern amongst many health professionals that parents are frequently vastly over-estimating the amount of food children can and/or need...
Read More

WANT LESS STRESSFUL MEALTIMES? WANT TO STOP WORRYING ABOUT YOUR FUSSY EATER?

(This article was originally posted on the Mother Tribe blog on 22.04.17) A doctorate in child development and years of working with children and families did not prepare me for the sheer frustration and stress of feeding my own family. Three different children with...
Read More

FUSSY EATER MYTH #4: CHILDREN REFUSE TO TRY NEW FOODS BECAUSE THEY ARE STUBBORN OR ‘TESTING’ BOUNDARIES

Without doubt children have very different personalities and some are much more on the feisty end of the scale than others, but this is NOT directly related to refusing to try or eat a particular food.  Passive, laid back children can be just as fussy when it comes to...
Read More

FLEXIBILITY IS ONE OF YOUR BEST MEALTIME FRIENDS

I remember reading something a while ago along the lines of, whenever you think you know or understand something always leave a space next to it in your brain for new information.  I’ve probably totally trashed a beautiful quote there and unfortunately, I have...
Read More

FUSSY EATER MYTH #3: YOU NEED TO MAKE FOOD MORE EXCITING & TRY SPECIAL RECIPES

You've seen these websites and resources, right? The ones that are aimed at helping you with your fussy eater that focus predominantly on recipes...recipes that even the fussiest of fussy eaters are allegedly 'guaranteed' to eat. Except even after you spend ages...
Read More

TEMPERAMENT & FUSSY EATING: IS YOUR CHILD A ‘SUPERTASTER’?

DO YOU HAVE A PICKY EATER?  DO YOU SOMETIMES BLAME  YOURSELF FOR YOUR CHILD'S FUSSY EATING? Please don't. I know it can sometimes seem like everyone else's children eat everything and yours just won’t. But it's really not true - limited food choice is extremely common...
Read More

FUSSY EATER MYTH #2: FUSSINESS STARTS AT AROUND 12-MONTHS-OLD AS BABY BECOMES MORE WILFUL

Well, it is certainly true that it is frequently around about this age that parents start to regret having told everyone that their child loves food and is such a ‘good’ eater. Very often it can seem like overnight they go from eating everything in sight to refusing...
Read More

WHAT’S MAKING YOUR CHILD ‘FUSSY’ WITH FOOD?

The trouble with many articles offering expert opinions about fussy eating and mealtime stress is that they tend to offer a couple of generic, one-sized fits all ‘solutions’ and fail to take into account that there are many different types of ‘fussy eater’ and quite a...
Read More

FUSSY EATER MYTH #1: YOUR CHILD MUST EAT A RAINBOW COLOURED PLATE AT EVERY MEAL

If you present your child with a beautifully colourful, perfectly balanced plate of food at every meal and they willingly gobble it all down - wow, consider yourself extremely blessed! But if not, try not to sweat it. This is very common for all children, not just the...
Read More

WEANING YOUR BABY: 4 ESSENTIAL TRUTHS FOR LONG TERM FUSS-FREE EATING

(This article was originally posted on at http://mammainpearls.com/weaning-your-baby/ on 03.04.17) Very often when it’s time to take the exciting leap to the weaning stage, our focus is so much on the present that we forget to think about the longer-term eating...
Read More

HERE’S HOW MANY EASTER EGGS I LET MY KIDS EAT..

When you SPECIFICALLY request a trusted relative NOT to buy chocolate for your kids for Easter (but a small inedible present instead)...and they do it anyway. And not even a small one; a very large, indulgent-looking one each. THIS I find mega frustrating. And...
Read More

INSISTING ON ‘TASTING’ IS NOT THE ANSWER TO PICKY EATING

Imagine that you popped over to my house for a cuppa and I put a plate of snacks in front of you. And then instead of saying, "Here, help yourself!" I said, "Look at this yummy food I've got for you, try it! Have some! Just one little bite, go on, I'll give you a...
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WHEN THEY DON’T EAT WHAT YOU KNOW THEY LIKE…

"But you LOVE chicken and rice! Here, have some chicken and rice!" "Don't like chicken and rice." "Yes you DO, you ate a whole bowlful the other day!" Do you ever find yourself having this sort of crazy-making conversation with your toddler or child? You kind of know...
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MY JOURNEY TO FUSS-FREE EATING

I think even as a very young child I knew deep down that being ‘forced’ to eat and rigid mealtime rules just weren't right. I remember sitting at the dining table feeling so confused; I wasn't particular hungry, I'd eaten all the ‘nice’ bits on my plate, and just the...
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HOW TO HANDLE “I HATE YOU MUMMY!”

Hearing these words for the first time from your sweet, innocent ‘baby’ is pretty gutting really.
I had asked my 7-year-old to start tidying away the Lego as it was bedtime soon, and he replied, “No Mummy, I’m still building this.” I could hear he was fairly cross and passionate, and so thinking I was being quite reasonable, I said,

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DO YOU HAVE A FUSSY EATER? ARE YOU FED UP WITH MEALTIMES?

 

 

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